COLEMANBALLS

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For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2. Ted Lowe (Snooker) He became the BBC's senior football commentator in 1971, covering five FA Cup finals, before handing over to John Motson in 1979. A professional perfectionist, he could be a hard man to work with. Coleman could reduce insecure minions to tears, and often did. He liked cold-eyed, no-nonsense journalists around him, not television's regular vaudevilleans. He had always – and with good reason – a fine conceit of his own value. Laura Robson has just made the best possible start to her professional tennis career, she won the first set and lost the next two and is out. Undeservedly or not, it is the lot of the British sports commentator to suffer the barbs and carping of his or her public. Some of them, and Coleman was certainly one, are as much a part of the national picture as the sportsmen whose acts of valour they describe. Private Eye's Colemanballs is the distillation of that. That the sports blooper column should be named after him has never remotely undermined Coleman's position as the undisputed founding father of modern British sports broadcasting, the commentator who moved the hearts other commentators cannot reach.

He is accelerating all the time. That last lap was run in 64 seconds and the one before in 62. David Coleman Brendan Foster, Olympic 10,000m bronze medallist: "David Coleman was the greatest sports broadcaster that ever lived. He was a giant of sports broadcasting. It was a privilege to know him and it was a privilege to have him commentating on races during my career." I imagine he was a pretty uncomfortable guy to work with," wrote Moore. "His standards were high and his temper was pretty short." Moving on As well as fronting Grandstand for 10 years, Coleman also co-presented the BBC Sports Review of the Year from 1961 to 1983. Coleman was one of the BBC commentators for the 1966 World Cup finals In the studio or on location, Coleman's unflappability at taking a producer's direction, in spite of the din either all around him or through his earpiece, was legendary and, however many top-dog stars have since tried, his legend has never been outshone. Masterly, too, was his breathless and awesome command of the live teatime-scores teleprinter – "Queen of the South one, Airdrie one, means Airdrie move up three places on goal difference, but Queen of the South slip a place because Brechin won today."Fantoni, Barry; Larry (2010). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 15. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-1-901784-54-1. Fantoni, Barry; Larry (2008). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 14. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-1-901784-49-7. It was perhaps because of this that Coleman was never frog-marched off to the minority sports - badminton or bowls, fencing or volleyball - where his sense of drama would have been misplaced. His legal wrangle with the BBC in the mid-1970s, which kept him off the screen for a year, centred on his complaint that he was used too parsimoniously and did not have enough editorial involvement.

While Colemanballs are primarily associated with David Coleman's athletics commentaries, gaffes are to be found in most other sports, here some of Will and Guy's collection. When the fledgling BBC television service resumed after the second world war, it was still very much the corporation's junior service, available only in parts of the south-east, with its performers recruited occasionally from radio, though more usually, it seemed, from the officers' mess or the old boy network. Certainly, up in Cheshire, young Coleman had never seen television as a boy. His route was to be journalism's traditional one.Fantoni, Barry; Larry (1986). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 3. André Deutsch. ISBN 978-0-233-97985-4. Fantoni, Barry; Larry (1994). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 7. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-0-552-14279-3. His successor in the Grandstand chair, Frank Bough, was full of admiration. "Coleman was the only one who could tell you that a win had put Arsenal on top of Division One on goal average, or that was East Fife's first score draw in 19 consecutive games," he said.

Fantoni, Barry; Larry (1998). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 9. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-1-901784-11-4.Steve Cram, former 1500m world record holder: "Broadcasting, like athletics, is about performance and he wanted to produce the best he could. He used to always tell me that I should endeavour to work with the best to get the best results." I've never been so certain about anything in my life. I want to be a coach. Or a manager. I'm not sure which. Fantoni, Barry; Larry (1984). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 2. André Deutsch. ISBN 978-0-233-97700-3. Don’t tell those coming in the final result of that fantastic match but let’s have another look at Italy’s winning goal. WORTHY SUCCESSOR Fantoni, Barry; Larry (2006). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 13. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-1-901784-45-9.

And the line-up for the final of the women's 400 metres hurdles includes three Russians, two East Germans, a Pole, a Swede and a Frenchman." Fantoni, Barry; Larry (2004). Private Eye's Colemanballs: No. 12. Private Eye Productions. ISBN 978-1-901784-36-7.In 1968, he handed his Grandstand seat to Frank Bough, moving on to a midweek show, Sportsnight With Coleman. The late Brian Moore, who was a football commentator for ITV, was disparaging about Coleman in his autobiography. Coleman's vast sporting knowledge made him the ideal host for Question of Sport, which became British television's longest-running quiz show. Bill Beaumont, Coleman & Ian Botham on a Question of Sport Kevin Keegan, former England striker and manager: "You just felt he was a master of what he was covering and he knew everything about it. He probably did. He just had that voice. He is a true legend."